“What appointment is it Mummy?”
I’d been dancing around it but nothing gets past my daughter, she’s asked now so there’s no point in lying.
“I’m getting my vulva waxed. Remember how I told you sometimes I like having hair on my vulva, sometimes I like to have no hair?”
“Yeah!”
She constantly impresses me, with how she just gets it, especially when I treat her with the respect to tell her what’s happening. Kids feel that.
Later that night as I’m holding the skin tight at my lower belly to help with the waxing process, the beautician is giggling away as we engage in the mandatory small talk.
“So you got your presents sorted?”
“No, I haven’t done any yet. I’m a last minute sort of person.”
She gasped in absolute shock.
I’m very accustomed to this response, I have been “last minute” all my life.
I choose not to go into a spiel about how I’m a Manifestor Human Design which means I really need to follow the internal urge with my energy, it’s never good for me to do something because I should or on someone else’ time frame. It’s actually most productive for me to wait, even if that means down to the wire, until I feel that oomph for it. I have come to know and accept myself in this, although I do need to continually remind myself to stay in my lane, particularly around a time like Christmas where there’s invisible gold medals handed out for “who is the most organised.”
“How about you?” I enquire.
“Yeah so can you believe this. Okay so the kids loves swings, anytime we’re at a park, they’re straight to the swings! So we’ve got them a swing set, we need to work out how we are going to sneakily set it up without them seeing though. They are going to love this. Okay and omg can you believe this… my husband says to me… okay so just the swing set, presents are done?....omg, I cackled…can you believe it? Just a swing set? Like they wouldn’t have any toys to even unwrap? IMAGINE!!!!
*rolling her eyes*
She then finishes with the nail in the coffin “men!”
This is now an awkward place where I have found myself in many times in my life… because no, I can’t relate and I don’t get it and I kinda like his thinking to be honest.
What’s actually wrong with them just getting a swing set?
Last Christmas we “just” got my daughter a mud kitchen. She loved it. She was stoked.
So here’s the thing, I’m cool if you want to and are choosing to wrap a million presents, that’s your choice but you kind of have to own that you are making that choice, you can’t then complain about the stress that comes with that, because you’re choosing it.
You could just get them a swing set and save the hassle.
What a bizarre concept.
Christmas is a fucking minefield and I have to say, this year the pre Christmas stress has been felt incredibly heightened. I have literally been hiding as much as possible from people to be honest.
I have been thinking about this & feel that we are heading into a New Frontier in 2024. I really feel this sense of release and completion of the 2020-2023 chapter happening.
Also, living in Melbourne, it feels like all the amped up social occasions is a lot for people. It’s like following lockdown there’s just not the same stamina for it all and it’s a lot on a nervous system. I’ve actually heard several people say, “wouldn’t mind a lockdown right now!!!”
There is definitely a current of releasing residual stress, completing the lessons from not just this year but the last few years.
And then the excitement and anticipation and joy builds for a new canvas, as we step in to the next year.
I find myself regularly fantasising about my dream to spend the 2 weeks leading into Christmas on holiday. When I was in Year 10, my Mum & Dad took my sister and I to New Zealand for the two weeks leading into Christmas, we flew back to AUS on Christmas morning. I still remember the joy of travelling (everywhere is quiet) at that time of year. Or being far, far away from the madness. I remember how relaxed my Mum was, devoid of all the extra tasks that come with Christmas as a Mother.
And as I lay there breathing through the waxing appointment, all that rings in my ears is, “it’s your choice” and “stay in your lane”, as I try my best to listen to this woman’s experience, whilst acknowledging that it’s hers and doesn’t have to be mine.
This year I have felt a volume increase around Christmas time, as my kids enter an age where this is incredibly exciting and also where there are numerous dress up days, a Santa list, etc.
There’s not only things to do but such an increase in decision making, in conversations…for example yesterday when I found out Santa was coming to family day care, I had to lean into the conversation with their carer, “with Santa, I don’t like for my kids to sit on his knee, unless they ask or choose to themselves. I like them to know there is no pressure and it’s their choice.”
She completely understood and we were on the same page, which I thought we would be and yet I needed to have that conversation, so I could actually enjoy the time they were at care and not worry about the thought of them being told to be a “good girl” or “good boy” and sit on Santa’s knee, no matter how they felt about it.
I was pleased to know my wishes were respected and that sitting on Santas knee wasn’t part of it, Santa just came for a visit to their playgroup they go to together, which my kids were really excited about it.
I honestly would be happy if my kids never sat on Santa’s knee, the whole concept is strange for me…even the Santa photos…like the kids are so often screaming and everyone is hushing them…the subliminal message frightens the shit out of me,
sit on this strangers lap, let stranger hold you, even if you’re scared because it’s a stranger who you’re leaving your parents arms for, don’t cry, don’t voice that, smile and pretend you like it, be a good girl or a good boy, sit on the stranger’s lap.
I love the Magic of Christmas yet my eyes are open and cautious (call me the Grinch)…and this is the somewhat invisible mental load of Christmas for a Mother.
Alongside the joy and the magic and the wonder there are many societal ‘norms’ and therefore decisions to be made in what you and your family will be participating in and what you will be saying no to.
I am continually checking in with myself, trying to navigate this time of year with as much authenticity as I can.
I remember the words of a trusted friend, “Mandy, people buy their kids stuff all the time when they feel guilty for not spending time with them, you don’t have to worry about that, you understand that the best gift you can give them is your presence.”
Sage advice that I keep coming back to, as the pressure mounts.
In a time where there is increased societal pressure, I come back to my values and I come back to my strengths as a Mother and the knowingness that it doesn’t all fall on me as we are part of a wider village that we have spent a lifetime nurturing.