Before we dive into today’s pieces (a few to share with you!!) a time sensitive note: this Friday is the FIND YOUR SPARK masterclass!!!! You can find more info at the bottom of this email but if you feel called to be inspired and be supported and find your spark, book your spot here.
*shared anonymously with permission
WHEN THE WORLD GOES MAD
When the World goes mad, we go MADDER – in purpose, in love & in service.
When the World goes wild, we go WILDER - in purpose, in love & in service.
When the World goes crazy, we feel the heartache, we cry, we scream, we roar, we wail, we rage.
We tend to ourselves.
We go to the depths of depression, of sadness, of hopeless and helplessness.
We dive to the deepest part of the ocean and then press a foot on the sand floor and we kick back up to the surface, holding the treasure we found, ready to beam it through our lighthouse, to anywhere still lost out at sea.
And this process, it burns a fire within us deeper than ever before - to BE & DO in purpose, in love & in service.
We channel our anger, to creating the world we wish and know can exist…we create it in our world, in our home, in our neighbourhood, in our village, in our online community.
We do the thing we fucking know how to do - our piece of the puzzle.
We take care of our puzzle - we offer our gifts, our service, our love.
My alarm went at 1:45am this morning, to join a masterclass happening in America, that my soul knew I had to be PART OF & wanted to experience live. It lit a fire in me, gosh I am grateful for this work…
& death is the ultimate teacher.
We hug our children more closely, we live more brightly, we don’t worry about what “they will think” when we know that this all ends and nothing is guaranteed and we’re here for a time we don’t know what time so let’s fucking go.
When I lost my soul grandfather I navigated the depths of a grief I didn’t know possible. When he left I really realised…like really realised…everything we leave behind will decay - the money, the house, the car, the possessions, they may last 100 years at best?
Literally the only thing we leave that lasts is the IMPACT we have on others.
It lives on, through those we have loved and served.
This is the greatest legacy, this is the ultimate focus.
Let the atrocities burn a new one in your passions and rise for your people, in honour. X
Photography by Bri Horne
WE’RE HOME
After 5,147kms we’re cruising down beach road coming into St Kilda just out from the Palace. Stopped at the lights the middle aged bloke in the Ute next to us motions to wind down the window. Matt and I think the same thing at the same “what’s happened to the van.”
We wind down the window and he says, “the van! I love it! I just did one up too! The checker plate! LOVE IT guys!!!” The lights turn green and we all smile and head off,
“You wouldn’t get that on the goldy” I say
“You wouldn’t get that in Sydney” he says
We’re home, I feel.
Exactly what *that* is, is hard to describe, was it the way he was so genuine, was it the way he wouldn’t have said it he didn’t mean it, was it because he’s a man who’s word is his word…
It’s hard to put your finger on but if you live in and love Melbourne then you know… you just know. X
“I’d give you all of Sydney harbour, all that land and all that water, for that one sweet promenade.”
Would you believe it if I told you we were in that exact spot Paul Kelly sings about?
*more film photos of the trip to come…would you like another visual feast? an inspiration to follow the spark? let me know in the comments xo
IT’S OKAY TO LOSE YOUR SPARK
I went through a time in my life which was in black and white, the colour drained from my life.
The lights were on but no one was home.
A dark night of the soul, depressed, lost, asleep…definitely.
“I lost my girl for a while there.”
My love reflected back to me, after the fact.
I have written about it extensively in my book, as it has been such a key part of my journey as a Woman and as a Mother.
You see, a lot of the narrative out there is to “never lose yourself to motherhood”. To make sure you are always doing enough for yourself, self care, time for you, exercise, eat well, etc, etc.
YES!
And also, I believe that losing yourself, at some point in the piece, is unavoidable.
Especially if you have more than one child.
This may trigger some people but I can only speak from my personal experience and the Truth of which is this:
For me,
For ME,
FOR ME:
One child felt like splashing in the shore of Motherhood.
Two children felt like diving into the deepest waters of the ocean.
A complete immersion, of all of myself
Drowning
And then
Popping back up to the surface,
More me than I have EVER been
Broken and made completely new.
My second child humbled me in every way you could possibly imagine.
I couldn’t be told anything with my first.
I had it all figured out.
When I had a second child, I truly became one of the Mums.
Able to relate to any Mother, at any time, anywhere.
Her deepest struggles, her highest highs.
Because I had the courage to walk both, finally.
I lost myself, I lost my spark (one of the bravest and most necessary parts of motherhood, not to be feared but to be walked towards).
Saturn Return… say no more.
I started being honest about it, too.
When people asked me how I was, I would say, “I’m not coping very well, I’m finding it hard at the moment.”
And whilst being one of the most challenging times in my life, it was also very liberating.
To tell the truth.
A certain peace came over me, in the chaos, in the despair.
There was a moment where I just kind of said to myself, “this is really hard and I’m going to just let it be hard.”
This was not something to self care my way out of.
I’m going to chew,
I’m going to gnaw on the bones of that season.
It was the breaking and making of me as a Mother and a Woman.
Deep, deep, deep down, there was a quiet whisper that said, “on the other side of this is EVERYTHING you’ve ever wanted to feel and know in this life. Don’t skip this part though.”
“Mother of Two energy”, The Sovereign Creative.. Photography by Bri Horne
It was an internal Winter, the coldest I’d known.
And it had nothing to do with my children, how much I loved them.
Because that’s the thing, there’s a cultural pressure to “enjoy” and “be grateful” for motherhood, for life, etc…
If you’re not, it’s a shove in the face to those who would kill to have kids? Don’t you know how lucky you are? Your kids are healthy and beautiful, etc?
Whilst all this is true, your personal Truth is also completely valid and needs and deserves to be felt.
You can be grateful and in love with your children or your partner or your life or yourself and still lose yourself…
I started to feel my life force come back to my soul leading up to my 30th birthday.
I spent hours on hours, sitting in the front yard of our fishing shack in Safety Beach, whilst the kids were playing, I started to vision up my party, the front yard full of our friends and family.
When I saw that day in my mind’s eye, all I could see was colour.
It felt like a victory, after the year I’d walked prior.
Something whispered to me that it would be a marker, a sign of the way forward, I would pop out the other side, of all the depth I’d experienced.
When I picked up the balloons I’d ordered that morning, with my kids in tow, they were bright pink and blue and yellow and orange and red.
The lady asked “how old is the birthday?” motioning towards the children..
I said, “30, they’re for me.” with the biggest smile on my face.
I couldn’t have loved this moment anymore if I tried!
When I went to get my hair done before the party, “so how would you like your hair?”
“Can you do disco buns, like two half buns, right on top of my head?” my inner child was flying
The playlist, a 90s dreamscape.
The front yard, a playground, a festival.
The fence, being painted by all the children that came to the party - I’d asked the landlord if we could paint it, since we were moving out the week after and the block was being redeveloped, “yes, go for it!”
The faces at the party, young and old, being covered in glitter, by the glitter fairy I’d booked for the day!
The love of my life, declaring his love and adoration for me, and then asking me to marry him, in front of so many people I love…as he got down on one knee, all I could see was colour.
Every colour of the rainbow, spinning around him and all I could see was him.
The depth and breadth of colour that has entered and engulfed my life, on that special day, and in the year following, so much of it I attribute to my courage to lean into the dark, that year prior.
I have the deepest love and reverence and tenderness and compassion, for the woman who walked in to the dark.
Because that is why the light shines so bright right now.
We are not meant to ONLY bloom.
Life is not meant to never be hard, or depressing, or challenging.
It is all of it - nature shows us a Spring, Summer, Autumn and a Winter.
And as we know, we are nature itself.
To deny your Winter is to deny yourself.
To deny your Summer is to deny yourself…
To deny your Spring is to deny yourself…
The deny your Autumn is to deny yourself…
~
Why do we stop using colour, in adulthood?
My children have showed me a technicolor reality and invited me into it.
Not to watch but to paint and be part of it, too.
Some seasons in life are black and white, and we muster the courage to go there and to let it be.
But we don’t stay there forever my love.
You know when it’s time to colour again.
Photography: Matt Crafter
FIND YOUR SPARK: https://www.amandacrafter.com/findyourspark
This Friday 19th April 11am AEST (Melbourne time)
You are invited to find your spark !
This is going to be spectacular — for your inner child and your womanhood, too. X
It’s okay to lose your spark.
In fact, it’s brave AF.
Know that you can show up however sparkly or not sparkly you are currently feeling.
Put yourself in the place of inspiration, of receivership — be humbled by being a student, again. Let yourself be guided, you deserve it. We all do.
Join us!
*shared anonymously with permission